If You Keep Putting It Off, It's Not A Strategy It's Self Sabotage

Welcome back to Proof It's Possible! In this conversation, Dayle and Jamie explore the concept of waiting and the urgency of taking action in various aspects of life. They discuss the pitfalls of procrastination, the myth of the perfect time to start something, and the importance of finding joy in the journey. The conversation also delves into understanding and managing emotions, taking ownership of one's life, and the mental load often carried by individuals, particularly women. The hosts encourage listeners to stop waiting and start making changes now, emphasizing that the time to act is always present. Tune in to discover: 

• Common reasons why people procrastinate
• Why waiting to act is self-sabotage
• How to find joy in the journey instead of waiting for perfect moments
• How to unpack emotions around decisions and what your anger might be trying to tell you

What have you been waiting for? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
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• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website

Transcript

Dayle (00:30)
Hi guys, welcome back. Thank you so much again for joining us. Today we are talking about the concept of waiting and waiting and waiting and putting things off. I'm a fast mover. So for me, it always doesn't sit well. If I'm excited about something, I'm like, I don't know how people wait. Like I don't know how you can, you know.

And if I feel a sense of urgency, really like feel it 10 times, I think. And to give you a silly example of this, my husband needed to renew his passport. And he said to me, it was, what day would he have set it on? He said it on a Wednesday. He goes, well, and we had limited time before we were gonna travel. And he said to me, I will have to wait till Monday to do that. And I said, why? Like.

We have literally the bare minimum number of days before we travel. Why would you do that? And he's like, well, because I have to like fill out the paperwork and I have to get like people to sign for me. I was like, that can all be done by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. You can like fill out the paperwork tonight. You take it to work with you in the morning. You have your boss and somebody else from work, be your witnesses. And then you file the paperwork the minute the door opens to the passport office.

Jamie (01:42)
Yeah.

100%.

Dayle (01:46)
Like, and that's my sense of urgency if I'm excited about something. Where I lose my sense of urgency is when I'm scared of something. And so there's things that I will wait on that I know I shouldn't. So what are some of the areas in your life that you feel...

Jamie (02:02)
For me, it's not

scared of, it's that don't like. I don't like it. That shit is headed to the back burner for life. For life, tasks that I'm like, ugh, I hate that. No, I will do anything. I will literally scrub toilets with a toothbrush before I get to the one task that I don't like doing. Like my procrastination skills are like so strong for the things that I just like. ⁓

Dayle (02:06)
Yeah, for sure.

for sure.

Yes, I agree.

the 10 out of 10 levels.

Jamie (02:31)
But I think that common like things that people, lies people tell themselves about waiting, like for one, this is one that I'm so bad for. I always say like, when I have a little break, I'm gonna get after that. So whatever that thing is, like when I have more time, like for instance, Christmas just came and went.

Christmas is the perfect time where I'm like, oh, there won't be a lot of work happening for the couple of weeks, know, like the week of Christmas and then between Christmas and New Year's is pretty slow. And I think to myself like, oh, that's when I'm gonna do the thing. you know, reorganize the kids dresser. I'm gonna...

Dayle (03:07)
get all caught up on X.

Get to that paperwork for work that you don't want to do on a weekly.

Jamie (03:13)
Yeah, yeah, they're like work stuff. I'm like,

that'll be my opportunity to really catch up. This is a lie. That is a lie. So for me, I have to keep reminding myself, like, don't wait for more time. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity. Don't wait for Christmas break. Don't wait for March break. Don't wait for the weekend. Just do it in the moment. Or if it's something you really hate, do little by little, you know, and just like, so that it doesn't become this enormous task that

Dayle (03:20)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Totally.

Jamie (03:41)
you're too scared to even start because you've put it off. Yeah.

Dayle (03:43)
Yeah, it's the hoarder. Yes, the hoarder analogy like a hoarder doesn't

know where to start. So they just let it keep going. And the problem with the problem with being a hoarder and hoarding up all your tasks that you don't like is like, what day does that happen? Like what what month of your life are you willing to ruin? When you could have just put the clothes away along the way or could have just done the receipt organizing along the way every month or every two months. So wasn't so cute.

Jamie (03:50)
Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

So this brings me to

the next don't wait and it's don't wait for the right time. So I think this is another lie that we kind of tell ourselves. well, I'm just waiting for the right time to start the business. I'm just waiting for the right time to paint the house. I'm just waiting for the right time. Like there is no right time. There's no, there's never going to be a moment where you're like, I'm feeling so flush that I'm just going to go ahead and buy the new.

Dayle (04:16)
Okay.

sure.

Jamie (04:35)
couch that I need. Like the moment is now. That's just the reality of every situation is there is no perfect time. There's no perfect time to like do it. So you just have to decide and do it.

Dayle (04:38)
Exactly.

Yes. But one thing I will say is

if you put things off forever and ever, there can be the wrong time in a weird way. So what I mean by that is like, for instance, I know these people and they have been wanting to sell their house for years, years. And we've recently just had a big boom in house prices. And during that time, they really were like, well, I should paint, I should do this, I should renovate.

I should. And so they did a whole bunch of like, I can't until I do that and can't until I do that. I don't want to sell my house because I won't get top dollar. Well, they missed the boom. And now they're definitely not going to get top dollar. They still haven't renovated it. They never they haven't done a thing. They haven't touched it yet. And they missed the boat on the high prices. So it's one of those things that I was like, well, now is not the right time. Like you there was a right time.

Jamie (05:22)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (05:40)
and you let it pass, it felt like it would last forever, but they don't last forever. Like when you have the little bit of extra money, there's a good chance something will come along and need that money if you don't use it for something else that is important to you, right? Like it's the analogy also of like the, you save, save, save. And then the minute you, let's say get 10 or $20,000 in your savings account, you're all proud of yourself.

Jamie (05:56)
Of course. Of course.

Dayle (06:08)
the water heater breaks at your house. And then all of a sudden all the money's gone because all you had to do is fix something you didn't even care about. But what's good about that is you had the money saved. So it didn't go on a credit card. It didn't go unfixed. It, you know, it didn't get fixed and then continue to break. You were able to replace it. And that has to bring you a certain set of like peace of mind. But every single thing, the right time is

Jamie (06:10)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (06:37)
You know, it's like, is right now the right time to buy a new house if prices are high? No, but because the right time to buy a house was actually 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 50 years ago. If you were alive then, you know, realistically, the right time is today. If it's important to you. Like, get it done. Get it started.

Jamie (06:54)
Mm-hmm.

And

we're talking about big scale purchases, but even for like small scale purchases, like have you ever, have you ever like really, really, really wanted something like, and thought like, this is going to make my life a lot easier. instance, for instance, I really, really, really wanted new earbuds. Like it's, it's right? But I just, I just put it off and I put it off and I put it off. And then it's like, I ended up buying them and they weren't,

Dayle (07:02)
Yes.

Yeah, I did this too. Totally.

Mm-hmm.

Jamie (07:26)
any cheaper, maybe $10, $20, like nothing significant enough to change my life. And I thought to myself, why did I, why did I put this up? This was so important to me because I like, I love to go on a walk. I love to listen to a book or talk on the phone or listen to like inspirational podcasts. I travel all the time. Like why have I waited on this? Like, so if something is really important to you and it's going to make your life better, why are you waiting? Like it's so crazy.

Dayle (07:38)
Mm-hmm.

You travel, yeah.

Yeah. Well, and do you want to know what's crazy?

So I did this like three years ago. I had a toothbrush, like an Oral-B or something, you know, like a, like a electric one. And I looked it. I loved it. And it stopped working. And so I was like, well, there's gotta be one that's less money. I don't need like a $250 toothbrush again. I can just get a normal price toothbrush. And I,

But like, if you know me, one of my favorite things in the world is to brush my teeth. I just love it. It's very important to me. Excellent oral hygiene. So I fretted, I looked up reviews, I read, I was like, and then I made it about, I would like a more attractive one, not about the price, but like these more attractive ones. I even ordered a couple.

Jamie (08:24)
Excellent oral hygiene. Excellent oral.

Dayle (08:42)
they don't have like a stand so and then they don't charge. So you have to like plug them into the wall with an ugly plug in. And I'm like, what? I hate this. This looks terrible in my bathroom. I'm not keeping this cord hanging across the sink. Like what is happening? So I just didn't even know the questions to ask about any other kind of toothbrush. I just assumed they all came with a stand. So finally, I don't know if it you or Darren, but you basically were like, what the hell is going on?

Jamie (08:49)
Yes, thank you.

Dayle (09:09)
For somebody that spends the money that you like to spend on everything that's important to you, why have you dug your heels and not just getting the one you know you like, you know you've used for a long time, what is happening? And I was like, I don't know, I don't know. Like, I don't know if I went into like scarcity mentality and like was having an episode of like flashback to a previous time in my life or what, but I.

Jamie (09:33)
Worst times.

Dayle (09:34)
It was such a stupid thing that I'm like, I wasted three months researching this. It was really strange, really strange. And I spent the money and then I never thought about that money ever again. I never once looked at my bank was like, damn, that two, yeah, that two 25 was still in there. Everything would be better.

Jamie (09:40)
Mm-hmm.

Wish you didn't find out.

I know, and you know what else? People are gonna be listening to this and coming up with all their reasons why they're waiting. But if you're sitting on a like, I'm waiting to hire the person, I'm waiting to raise my prices, I'm waiting, you know, I'm waiting till I have more cash in the bank, I'm waiting to launch until after XYZ, I'm waiting to tell people what I do until I've got it like absolutely.

Dayle (10:00)
yeah.

Jamie (10:19)
affected. I'm waiting until my website is done. I'm waiting until my Instagram is like pretty and I have enough like blocks to fill in my whole business page. I don't want people to know that I'm just a beginner. So I'm just waiting for that. If any of these are ringing true for you, you have to stop waiting. Like, take this as your sign that you are the problem. You are the only thing in the way.

Dayle (10:22)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And it's time to like go make the social media posts that you've been thinking you need to make when you're ready. You know, that that would be the first step once the website's done. another funny thing about website design is a lot of people, what has to happen in the process of website design is it has to get published in order to connect some of the last final things. And what ends up happening is people don't feel ready.

for it to be out into the world and that someone could stumble upon their website at that point. Because not because the website's not designed and beautiful, not because it doesn't work yet, not because any of the things, but they are not ready. Yes, but what's crazy, what's crazy is we talk to entrepreneurs all the time and our friends, our ultimate girls, our community here that listens, they write us and people go,

Jamie (11:10)
Yeah.

Not ready to be seen yet.

Dayle (11:36)
years and years and years saying that they're not ready and saying that they're going to be ready after this point or they're going to do it in the summer because they have more time in the summer or they're going into and it's like I never under any circumstances wake up in the morning and think you know what I feel really ready to do today make a whole bunch of social media content for my businesses I can't wait to get on that camera and talk about it

Jamie (11:48)
night.

Dayle (12:05)
I can't wait to learn how to do meta ads and you know, the formula and what to say in these meta ads. I don't want to do any of that stuff. I don't like any of it. But if I was waiting for it to feel fun and good and ready and exciting, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I'd never do it.

Jamie (12:23)
Absolutely. to take this back to like, so these are all like business examples. And I truly think that if any of those things that I said rang true for you, you need to have like a soul searching moment and write down what is actually stopping you and start questioning your responses. If you're like, it's time. Well, how can you save time? Solve every time that you have a reason why you can't solve that problem and then solve the next problem and then solve the next problem until there's no more

Dayle (12:33)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (12:50)
problems to solve and you're just doing the thing. that's business. Number two, my next favorite topic is that it's about the journey. Like, and I know this is so cliche, but like if you are sitting there and you're saying I will be happy when I will be calm when I will be engaged when I will be, you know, in love when if any of these things, if you're waiting for a future date.

to feel any of those things. This has to be your wake up call that like you have to start finding joy in the moment. You have to start finding joy in the journey because life isn't always gonna be like rainbows and sunshine and your business journey, your personal journey, your love journey, your relationship journey, all of it is gonna have ebbs and flows. It's gonna be up and down. And if you're always hanging your hat on that, it's gonna be different in the future.

Dayle (13:25)
Absolutely.

all of them.

Jamie (13:46)
but that future is never attainable to you or the future is too distant or you feel really justified in your misery in this very moment, you have to see things completely differently. And whatever you need to unpack to get there, whether you need to go see a therapist or you need to sit down and journal or you need to have like a little come to Jesus moment where you're like, I am, you know, like an admission.

Dayle (13:59)
Yes.

Jamie (14:12)
I am the problem, I am miserable, I am waiting for the next best thing. Exactly, whatever that looks like for you, you have to change it. You are the only person who can change it. You have to find joy in the journey. That is...

Dayle (14:17)
Yeah, or I feel angry all the time or whatever it is.

Well, and using the anger one, let's say you come to the thing and you're like, I'm angry. Don't stop there. That's not the answer. Because everyone knows their emotion in the moment. Like you can be like, I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm sick, I'm whatever. But why? Why? And what about feeling angry obviously works for you because you're picking it over the other emotions.

Jamie (14:38)
No!

That's

not true. Because you know what I've learned about anger? Anger is your body's reaction. It's like, it when you are so hurt by something, you can also feel angry. Anger is like your anger is your body's and your brain's natural defense mechanism. You get angry because it allows you that like endorphin release where you're like, okay, if this was if I was being chased by a bear, you know, I

Dayle (15:09)
Yes, of course.

Jamie (15:21)
if I'm angry or I'm aggres the bear. The real, but t day and age is that anger i of a different emotion. S hurt by somebody's behavi at them. You're feeling s

Dayle (15:26)
Exactly.

Of course. Exactly.

or you're not being heard or you're not being seen or whatever the story is. But what I think about anger is exactly that. And that's what I said, don't stop there. You have to find the underlying reasons, emotions, the moments that make you feel this anger, why? You know, and like, they can be everything. They can go right back to your childhood. They can go to the way you feel at work and your marriage and your...

Jamie (15:44)
wherever that looks like.

Yeah, thanks.

Dayle (16:07)
business partner relationships, whatever, whatever you've got going on in your life, they can even feel like just resentment for having to do everything for your family. There's a million reasons, but your reason will be your reason and it won't be everybody else's. So just being like, I'm just angry, I'm an angry person. That's not the end of the line. You have to dig, dig, dig. And we said this a few months ago on a podcast, but keep asking why. Keep saying why though.

Why? And like ask yourself questions like at what point do I remember start myself being angry a lot or myself feeling, you know, less than or not being heard or whatever the like next thing in line that you find for yourself. Where did it start? Who didn't listen to you along the way if being heard is your thing, you know, and get keep digging to the bottom of it. And like there's days where I'm like,

Jamie (16:54)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (17:04)
Okay, you're cranky, you're cranky, feel out of control, you feel whatever. And I'm like, what's up with this? Because I've gone three days in a row. It's not my nature. I know myself fairly well, but but I can't kick this one. And it's like, I'm mad about something that isn't in my control. I'm and I have to face ugly conversations and ugly parts of myself that I don't really like. Like I don't it would be easier to be like, yeah, I'm just I'm just a bitch today.

Jamie (17:33)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (17:33)
Like,

or I'm just bitchy. And it's like, yeah, but why? You don't have to be bitchy. You could choose not to be, actually.

Jamie (17:40)
Absolutely. And I also think that the deeper you unpack or need to unpack, the more you might actually find that like you can't do it on your own. You might need to go see a therapist. might do whatever that unpacking looks like. But I also think that if you don't unpack your suitcase, there is zero room for growth. If you are settled into I'm a bitch. If you're settled into well, I'm just angry. Guess what?

Dayle (17:52)
Yes.

Exactly. Yes.

Jamie (18:05)
You're not gonna grow. You're gonna stay there. You're gonna stay there. Your business is gonna stay there. You're gonna stay stunted in that very moment because growing, whether that's personally or professionally, requires you to stretch your edges, to get uncomfortable, to face the demons, the bad side of things, the things that you're not super proud of. It requires taking a mirror and holding it up to yourself every once in a while and saying, why isn't this working?

Dayle (18:06)
Good to

Yeah.

Yeah.

Totally.

Jamie (18:32)
whether

it's your outlook on life or your business venture, what is it that's not working and what is my role in all of that? How can I keep my side of the street clean? So.

Dayle (18:39)
Exactly. For sure. And

that's the ultimate goal in our lives is to know our own role in every single situation we've created. like, don't forget to take those chances to know the role you play in bringing joy to your family or like flip it and say like, I feel resentment towards the fact that I have to do everything at my house and nobody else is helping me. Let's say.

But also, don't be afraid to be like, but I'm also my family's like safe place. I'm their caregiver, I'm their provider, I'm their whatever, whatever your other positive roles are, that you actually feel good about yourself because of and that you wanted for yourself. You know, as a mom, I think a lot of moms take the burden of like dentist appointments, household chores, know, they're like side.

parenting that isn't just the emotional parts, isn't just the driving them to school parts, but the actual like mental load. Yeah, the mental load of everything else. So I can see how it would feel overwhelming as a parent, but you also wanted your kids to come to you when they're sad. You wanted to be the mom that was in a, could take them to the dentist and be their like safe person that holds their hand when they're scared and that they would lean on you in that way. So

Jamie (19:35)
you

I'm mental alone.

Dayle (19:57)
You can't, you have to look at good stuff in your life too that you've created because that's part of the total story. And also you very likely set this up. Whether it was like you catfished your husband at the beginning and said like, love making the dinners. Don't you help? You know, and we're being all cool. And then you're like, just kidding. I hate this. Make dinner every night.

Jamie (20:04)
Absolutely.

You know I ⁓

But even if you didn't catfish your husband, what I was gonna say is that like, what I was gonna say is that if you have never asked for help, if you've never said, hey, this feels like too much of a mental load for me to carry, could you maybe make the dentist appointments this month or this year? Then you have to take some ownership in why you're where you are, you know?

Dayle (20:24)
I catfished my husband, guys.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely,

exactly.

Jamie (20:45)
You know what, I think this is a topic for another podcast because I do think that we should go through the differences between a male and a female brain. I think that would be like, really fascinating. Maybe we'll get an expert, any brain expert out there or like, you know, gender experts, because I do feel like women do naturally carry a lot of the mental load. But I also believe that men

Dayle (20:56)
Yeah.

Yes.

yeah.

Jamie (21:10)
They don't, they're not trying to make it that way for me. Their brain is just different and they're just waiting to be told what to do. They're very like less emotional about things. Anyways, podcast for another day. And I just think that if any of this resonated with you, don't wait, don't wait to unpack the suitcase. Like actually, if you just keep going.

Dayle (21:12)
No, I agree.

Don't wait. Yep. Well, and don't wait to buy the nice

dress if it's something that's important to you. Don't wait to go on the vacation if you're in a position to do it. Mm-hmm, exactly.

Jamie (21:35)
Don't wait to tell somebody you love them.

Don't wait. Don't wait to raise your prices. Don't wait for the perfect check. Don't wait to start the business. Don't wait to tell somebody something really important to you. Don't wait. That's the message for today. So I hope everyone has a great week and we will see you again next week.

Dayle (21:42)
Start your business.