The Real Reason You Are Second Guessing Everything

Welcome back to Proof It’s Possible! In this conversation, Dayle and Jamie explore the reasons behind entrepreneurs' feelings of doubt and confusion in their decision-making processes. They discuss the impact of isolation, the importance of having trusted feedback, and the necessity of investing in relationships that foster growth. The dialogue emphasizes the need for a supportive network and the value of seeking advice from those who understand the entrepreneurial journey. Tune in to discover: 

• Why isolation is the reason you are second-guessing yourself 
• Why connecting with another person can help you make clearer, less emotional, and better business decisions 
• Why paying for proximity helps you take advice and your business more seriously 

How do you find and stay connected to trusted business besties? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip, the perfect place to meet new business besties! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
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• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website

Transcript

Dayle Sheehan (00:31)
Hi, welcome back. are so grateful that you're here today. We are chatting about the reason, the real reasons that you're second guessing everything in your business and why you end up feeling like you make a decision and then it just doesn't feel like the right thing or you second guess what you've decided or, and so Jay, what do you think you're like, what do you think causes this for entrepreneurs?

And how do we get rid of it?

Jamie (01:03)
Well, I think isolation is the number one thing that gives you this feeling. Like, I think being isolated and not having somebody to like bounce your ideas off of, or even someone to be like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I like it, I don't like it, you start second guessing yourself. You start thinking that you maybe don't have all the answers or you don't know, or you're really confused or...

Dayle Sheehan (01:20)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Jamie (01:30)
Like it's just so easy to get caught up in your own thoughts when you're all alone because you don't need that sounding.

Dayle Sheehan (01:36)
For sure.

Well, and you want to know what I've noticed is that if I'm really struggling with like making a decision on something, I want to take in knowledge. So I go to like Instagram and I see what other people are doing and I see what, you know, if I see someone does like an ad towards me, I'm like, okay, well, that's how they did an ad or that's how they decided to position their offer or

Jamie (01:51)
when

Dayle Sheehan (02:02)
how they talked about their offer on their social media or whatever. And so I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's the thing to do. That's the thing to do. And then seven seconds later, I see an alternate perspective. Like I keep seeing these two very opposite ads. Basically, I think they're targeting me, but they're like, the one ad says to me, when you're talking about your business, be relatable. You have to be relatable. You have to be relatable. And then almost immediately, the very next,

guru is saying, don't be relatable. People don't want another friend. That doesn't turn them into a customer of yours. That turns them into just a follower and a watcher. And you're looking for people to buy. So you have to be an expert. You have to be elevated. You can't just be their friend and their related, relatable partner. So I'm like that they look to for like advice about what to make for supper, because you're not selling them how to make supper. You're selling them whatever you're selling them.

And so I'm like, the decision, if you don't have somebody to say it out loud to, I find that you get lost in all the ideas, all the opinions, whoever is selling relatability, you feel like I should buy that. then whoever's selling, be the expert, of course, you should buy that. And so I agree with you that you get lost in your own head, your own thoughts, and you can't.

Jamie (03:22)
Well...

Dayle Sheehan (03:23)
get anything out of your body to like, or thoughtfully discuss it in relation to your business.

Jamie (03:31)
think naturally people rely on others to either validate or not validate an idea or a thought. And so when you don't have somebody to bounce your ideas off of, you seek that somewhere else. And unfortunately, somewhere else is probably selling you something. So you're not getting the best advice, you're getting the next thing that they want you to buy.

Dayle Sheehan (03:36)
Yes.

Right. Yes.

Exactly.

thing.

Jamie (03:57)
which might not be right

Dayle Sheehan (03:57)
For sure.

Jamie (03:58)
for your business or it might be a take on your business that's not good for you or you do buy something but then you're still feeling lost. And I also feel like decisions become really emotional when you're alone. Like you give emotion to things that are like they should be emotionless. Like, you know, should I change my brand color? Should be a like yes or a no.

Dayle Sheehan (04:06)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yes.

Jamie (04:24)
It's just, it's simply like a business question you're asking yourself. But all of sudden you're like, does that mean that like I have bad taste was my first one bad? I built that myself. God, I'm a terrible graphic artist. Like, absolutely.

Dayle Sheehan (04:36)
or it's too masculine, it's too feminine, it's not bold enough,

it's too colorful, it won't appeal to this person, it won't appeal to that person, et cetera.

Jamie (04:44)
But you've

now tied emotion and your self-worth to like this decision on, yes, I should make a new logo or no, I shouldn't. When really it's like, well, it should be clear cut and dry. It should be a emotionless business decision. But now all of sudden you've got it wrapped up in the fact that you don't really know much about logos and you're not quite smart enough about it or you know, like how it can just be this.

Dayle Sheehan (04:47)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jamie (05:11)
like rabbit hole of unhealthy thoughts. Or sometimes it's the opposite where you're like, I know everything about this topic and I'm the expert and I don't actually need any advice from anyone else. But it's like, okay, yeah, the people working at the Yellow Pages probably thought that until the Yellow Pages became extinct, you know? So you do have to take in information to a degree. And I'm just suggesting that

Dayle Sheehan (05:16)
for sure.

Mm-hmm.

Jamie (05:37)
rather than go to the media, social media, TV, news, radio, something like that. Perhaps having a business person, it doesn't have to be a business partner because I'm not saying that you should, you know, like forego full ownership of your business to partner up with someone. I'm just saying like somebody to bounce those ideas off of, whether that's a business coach, a mastermind, a business bestie, a best friend, a sister, whatever that looks like.

Dayle Sheehan (05:43)
Right.

hurting her up. Yeah.

Yes, exactly.

Jamie (06:04)
Find somebody who's actually trusted that doesn't have ulterior motives and not somebody who is just trying to sell you the next thing.

Dayle Sheehan (06:05)
For sure. Mm-hmm. Yes.

Well, that and like, I also know the lens of the person that you're asking. When you, for instance, Darren, my husband, is very analytical. He's an engineer. He's somebody who always goes with the most common sense approach to everything and like well researched, thought out, thought through. And he often

Jamie (06:20)
⁓ I found it.

Dayle Sheehan (06:37)
And because I'm so emotional, he often has a wildly different, a wildly different perspective than me. So I ask him stuff because I like to hear another perspective that's so far from mine that it gives me other people in the world's perspective as well that are more like him, right? Because I, don't naturally know what that personality type is going to think about this or that within my business.

Jamie (06:52)
Mm-hmm.

Thank

Dayle Sheehan (07:05)
or my offering or whatever. And he always gives me a lot of really good insight, but then I have to also remember not my ideal client, not the person that will likely buy from me because he's not an entrepreneur. He's not a female. He's not, you know, all the things that are kind of on my like list of who I usually serve in my businesses. And I'm like, yeah, so he gives me a good insight, but I have to use it with a grain of salt.

Jamie (07:14)
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Dayle Sheehan (07:33)
And I have to use my own filter to say this was worth listening to and taking in, but that aloneness got broken up because I got to say it out loud, you know? And then I'll also talk to you because I know you know my businesses and our business inside and out. So we discuss a lot of things and like I would be, you went to Italy and I couldn't talk to you for like 10 days properly.

Jamie (07:45)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (07:58)
because our time zones were all wrong and we, you weren't doing business at all. And I was only doing business. I had nobody to talk to. I was like, it was, my head was so full that I almost had feelings of like unhappiness. Cause I was like, I can't think about more things and take in more information before I explode. have to tell somebody.

Jamie (08:00)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Well, and I feel that's true with like all decisions in your life not just your like business decisions, but you Like everything feels heavier when you have to carry it alone like everything every single thing in your life feels heavier when you have to carry it alone So it's no

Dayle Sheehan (08:23)
Yes.

Exactly. Everything.

Well, think of like,

yeah, I think of like if I was going to buy a car, I'm not a car expert. I don't actually want to research which cars have been lemons and which ones have had great success in and low. They've been low maintenance for their past and what year is a great year to buy from the lot and what year has been terrible versions of that particular car. So honestly, there's times and I feel this in my business too, where I just want to like find the guru and be like,

you're it, which car should I buy? You know, and like that's, that's been dad, that's been Darren, because I know that they will do the proper research. I trust their opinion on it. I trust that they both understand why they're picking it and they can articulate that to me and like communicate with me. But like, it's not even a job. I want to like, like the car, but I don't need to know that they often have engine trouble or they don't.

Jamie (09:30)
Well,

Dayle Sheehan (09:30)
You know, like...

Jamie (09:30)
in using this exact car example, what works for one might not work for all. Like my dad, for instance, really value space and comfort in a car. he's like, well, if the seats aren't comfortable, it's trash. Okay. I don't value, I mean, it's not that I don't value comfort, but I don't get uncomfortable sitting for long periods of time. So this is just like a non-issue for me. What I do value though, is like weird stuff like,

Dayle Sheehan (09:37)
Exactly.

Yes.

Right.

Jamie (09:59)
is the cup holder in the right spot. You know? And so I have to know that when he gives me his advice, it's through the lens of what he values, which is comfort, durability, how close is the dealership to get it serviced, know, like the things that matter to him. But then I have to use my own judgment to be like, what are the things that actually matter to me? And so I think this about all...

Dayle Sheehan (10:02)
Yes. yeah, for sure.

Exactly.

Yes, exactly.

Jamie (10:26)
decisions that are made within your business is that like it's great to take advice from other people. It's great to hear other people's perspective because it's like I had no idea they car ABC had all this like reported engine trouble. I should probably steer clear of that, but I also need to use my own judgment to be like, okay, well we know this one doesn't have engine trouble. We know that it's got comfort. We know that it's got this, but I also need to know that the cup holders are in the right spot. So

Dayle Sheehan (10:54)
Exactly.

Jamie (10:55)
Like isolation, I feel like is the number one reason people are feeling the way that they feel in their business. But I also think that we need to like preface that with like, be cautious of who you're using as your sounding board because not everybody is an expert. And we've talked about this a lot before about how like,

Dayle Sheehan (11:10)
Yes.

Jamie (11:17)
You know, our mom is a great cheerleader, but she's not a big risk taker. like approaching her with like something in our business where it feels risky, she's going to be like, absolutely not. It's no go, don't, don't, don't.

Dayle Sheehan (11:25)
huh.

too much money, too risky, don't try it. Yeah. What happens if this bad thing happens? What happens if that bad thing happens?

Jamie (11:31)
Yeah, so...

And they're always doing it, coming from a place of like love, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's the right move in your business. It's just the lens that they're coming in with. It's the filter that they've got on the way.

Dayle Sheehan (11:41)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. Well,

and that kind of brings me to the like final point in this topic, in my opinion, and it's how do you get proximity to people that you actually feel like, okay, this person understands my business, thinks the way that I do has done the things I want to do, whatever it is that is your qualifiers for the person that you are going to listen to in your world and your business.

Jamie (12:08)
Thank you.

Dayle Sheehan (12:15)
and how do you get access to them? And so the way that I always think about it is like, I want to get into rooms or into communities or groups with women or masterminds that...

have a certain type of person and a certain type of they run a certain business, for instance, if it's something to do with my business and in those rooms, I do my research. Like I want to know who am I going to meet with every week or who am I going on the going to their event or going to their thing because I want to learn from somebody that I really, really, really value their opinion and

Jamie (12:38)
Hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (12:52)
proximity sometimes you have to pay for. You have to find that way to find a new community of the right people to have these little conversations with.

Jamie (13:04)
would 100 % agree with that. I think there is exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, proximity comes at a cost. And part of that is that you've changed your mindset. Once you put money forward, you've also changed your mindset to be open to receiving. Whereas if you just didn't pay anything and you went for coffee with someone who you think is a brilliant business person, you might not take in their advice the same way you would if you shelled out cash, cold hard cash for it because...

Dayle Sheehan (13:16)
Enjoy it.

totally.

Totally. Yeah.

Jamie (13:34)
There's a formality when there's a money exchange. There's a mutual understanding that I've now paid for your services. I've now invested in myself. I've now made the decision. I've now financially put forward something in exchange for information. So both parties now know that there's an energy exchange. Money's going out. Information is coming in. Money's going out. Proximity's coming in.

Dayle Sheehan (13:38)
Absolutely.

Hmm?

Yes.

Jamie (14:01)
Whereas when it's like in a friendship kind of a way, like you go for coffee with your business bestie, it's amazing and lovely. But I do think that there's like a mindset thing where you haven't made the deal that there is an exchange of energy. You're just having a simple conversation and maybe you're just ranting about your business. And then all of a sudden they're giving advice and you weren't looking for advice. And so I think it makes the boundaries a little murky on both sides of the fence. Whereas

Dayle Sheehan (14:01)
Mm-hmm.

No. Yep.

Jamie (14:30)
when you pay for proximity, there is no murky waters. Everyone knows the deal.

Dayle Sheehan (14:36)
Absolutely. Well, and like I think about this.

When we have our girls trips, every single, single time we've had one, the women show up and they say, I don't have anybody in my life that understands my business, understands me, can talk to me about these things. And what I always think about that is they might have people in their life that are giving them some great advice. A, they aren't necessarily willing to listen to it because that person isn't a business person or it isn't somebody that they...

Jamie (15:01)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (15:04)
feels understands their business. But if we came along and gave them the exact same advice, potentially, we don't know what the advice is that they've gotten, they would be way more likely to listen. also think where you they're like saying like get you get them in and you literally get in the game. The minute you spend money is so true. And like an example of that is if you just are posting on social media, and it's just free to you and you're just you're basically told like

Hopefully you'll get some customers if you post on social media, you'll post when you post. But if you've paid somebody to get, to make your posts on social media and they're waiting and then you don't make the video they need, you don't make the content that you promised them, but you still have to pay them every week for the social media posts. whether you do your end of the bargain or not, believe me, you're way more likely to make that content.

every week and make sure it's to the person or you're way more likely to do the research to get your brand voice and your brand verbiage and everything organized because now there's money on the line and if you don't get back to them.

Jamie (16:04)
Mm-hmm.

I believe the saying is you now have skin in the game and it changes everything.

Dayle Sheehan (16:15)
Exactly. And it's true.

It changes everything. It changes everything. don't be afraid to pay for proximity because you do need better people sometimes in your life. Because that's the reason you're stuck is because you're not having better conversations. Nobody's asking you better questions and helping you dig into your dilemma on a deeper level or helping you

get to the bottom of your own question or your own fear or your own worry that's actually holding you back. They're just letting you complain or they're just letting you fret. And all that does is, pardon.

Jamie (16:55)
Or they're advice and you're not listening.

Or they're giving advice and you're just not listening.

Dayle Sheehan (17:01)
Exactly. So that today is your cue to jump in and find the right people to do business with.

Jamie (17:10)
Yes,

let somebody else help you carry the load, the decision making load. Take the isolation out of the equation. Okay, well with that we will say goodbye and see you next week. Bye guys.

Dayle Sheehan (17:16)
Exactly.

Bye!