Why Nice is Getting You Nowhere - The Hidden Cost of Being Nice

Welcome back to Proof It’s Possible! In this conversation, Jamie and Dayle discuss the hidden costs of being overly nice in business. They explore how niceness can lead to financial losses, the importance of setting boundaries, and the mental health implications of not asserting oneself. The discussion emphasizes the need for clear communication and contracts to protect both the business and the individual, while also highlighting that being kind does not mean sacrificing professionalism or respect. Tune in to discover: 

• Why being nice all the time is costing your business money 
• How niceness leads to you undercharging and overexerting
• The mental health cost of being nice
• What boundaries you should be setting in your business, and why they're important 
• What to do when your boundaries are crossed

Have you struggled with being too nice in your business? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website 

Transcript

Jamie (00:30)
Hi guys, welcome back to Proof It's Possible. Today we are chatting about the hidden cost of being nice. So Dale is a nicey-nice and she's the warm fuzzy of our business. I'm the heavy in the business, so if there's ever any kind of like hard conversations, I'm probably the one to do it.

Dayle Sheehan (00:41)
Mm-hmm. Guilty.

for sure.

Yeah, every time.

Jamie (00:54)
Well, we won't

do it. It's just Dale has a much softer approach and I have a much more like matter of fact, it is what it is kind of approach. So I'm not saying one is wrong or one is right, but I do think being too nice in your business can cost you money. And here's why. The first thing is, that oftentimes and guilty as charged, like I am so guilty for this, especially early in my business. I never wanted

Dayle Sheehan (01:01)
Mm-hmm. Yes.

for sure.

Jamie (01:22)
to charge my worth because I felt like it was mean. Like I felt like being agreeable every time someone was like, well, can I get a discount? I was like, yeah, sure. Yeah, I'd love to give you a discount. No, I hated to give you a discount. I felt like I was being underpaid for the work, but I did it anyways, cause I wanted people to like, you know, like I feel like that's, and you have this guilt like, oh, I better keep it affordable for them. They're not gonna pick me if I charge my worth or

Dayle Sheehan (01:31)
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Right. Yep.

I fully

I'll fully take on makeup like a story like I think this person could only not so much anymore But when I was first doing business, I'm like, I think this is what they can afford So I'm gonna be nice and do it for what they can afford not what it cost me would not my time not I literally didn't even factor myself in I factored in what I thought they wanted to pay because I wanted to get the job and be nice and that was my like new criteria

Jamie (02:18)
And if you're like, I never do that. If you're listening and you're saying like, I never do that. What about this? How about the, I can just throw that in. Like the upsell that you don't charge them for. Are you guilty of that? Have you ever given somebody like a freebie because you felt slightly guilty or you were like, you know what, I'll just do it to be nice. There's ways in which that like we,

Dayle Sheehan (02:28)
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

Mm-hmm. Exactly.

Jamie (02:44)
We emotionally equate niceness to like good business. And I don't think that they equal each other.

Dayle Sheehan (02:44)
Mm-hmm.

For sure. And well,

and another example of it is, like, let's say you hire somebody to do something for you in your business and they do a really average job. Like they don't do a great job and you're kind of promised a great job, but it's like good enough. So you see, you leave it because you're like, Oh, I don't want to upset the apple cart. I'm just glad it's done. And I'm glad I don't have to do it myself, but

You don't say anything. You don't stop the like low output, the low quality, whatever. Yeah. And, and you end up that becomes the regular. And so now you're in a position where the first example we use, we didn't make as much money because we should have said, well, actually, if you need additional website work, it costs this much per hour, but I'd love to do that for you.

Jamie (03:24)
The missed deadlines, yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (03:43)
You know, you just quickly go do the thing, right? And then the next one, now you're, it's costing you money because you, this person slowly gets worse and worse and worse because they're getting away with it. And you're not saying anything because you're being nice.

Jamie (03:56)
Yeah, you're lowering the bar. Every time you

accept their behavior, you're lowering the bar and the standard gets lower until next thing you know, you're literally in the gutter and you're like, how did I get here? How do I have an employee that or a contractor that does very well and is charging like they're working a full-time job, but they're actually not. But that's how the slow creep.

Dayle Sheehan (04:01)
Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

Whatever, yeah.

Exactly.

For sure. And so in that example, now where it you money is you have to potentially let the person go, find a new company, find a new whatever, and whatever service they're providing. And now you have to re-onboard. You have to take, and like, that's no joke. Like that's weeks out of your life to get somebody integrated into your business, maybe months out of your life, to like get them trained and get them, and that is literal cash.

out of your pocket because you are not doing what you do best. And that is make money for your business. That is the tasks that actually move the needle, you know? And it's like, yes, it's for the greater good, but because you didn't say something the day that you needed to, the small thing, it's become a big thing and it's been costing you money slowly and creepily ever since.

Jamie (04:51)
Mm-hmm.

Yep.

Yep. Another, another like tricky sly move that you know, it's, kind of belongs in the creep is the like scope Creek creep where you like, you've offered them something. This all happens. feel like more with services than with goods, but like you've offered a service and you've agreed to do ABC and then all of sudden they want to chit chat about D and what about that? What are you thinking for that? Okay.

And next thing you know, the scope, which was supposed to be ABC for X amount of dollars is now ABC deep, but still X amount of dollars because they've slowly just added something in that wasn't part of the original deal. And I feel like this happens a lot because business owners are nice and they want to be agreeable and they want to do right by their customers and they want to give good value and they want people.

Dayle Sheehan (05:41)
Mm-hmm.

for sure.

Jamie (06:02)
singing their praises once the job is done and all the reasons why, but that's time out of your business and out of your contract. know, like you're taking time away from a potential new client or doing other things in your business, which costs you money. Another one that I feel like where people are way too nice is like the late payments. Like

Dayle Sheehan (06:04)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

Jamie (06:28)
customer hasn't paid you on time and rather than be like, Hey, your past 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, whatever your contract says, ⁓ we're like, wow, they're a good person. They're gonna, they'll pay me. I know they probably just forgot about it or, know, like all the, the, reasons that we justify it, or we just simply don't say anything at all. And then next thing you know, it's like, okay, well, I've been there, I've been bankrolling this project for the last six months and now I'm feeling resentful. And so some

Dayle Sheehan (06:35)
Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Well, and nervous

that you're not going to get paid at all and like something else is going on. Well, another timeline creep in where you're being so nice that it, you know, eats into your profit and your contract and all the things you agreed to upfront is clients that disappear on you and then they want to come back.

Jamie (07:00)
I don't know.

Dayle Sheehan (07:18)
six or eight months later, even though the contract might've even said like after this certain date, if the contract goes dormant for a month without any correspondence, you're on almost like an interest type payment situation because in order for any business owner to sort of plan their, especially service providers, plan their how much more business they can take on and clients they can take on, they do need to know an approximate timeline.

that they've scheduled you for within their world and within their schedule. And so if somebody disappears for nine months and then all of sudden wants to be immediately inserted back into your schedule without any penalty fees, if the penalty fees were outlined, you do those things. And then they think, well, okay, I'm going to work with you for two weeks and then I'm going to disappear again. And then nine more months, they'll come back and want to do it again and want to do it again. And then three years later, you still have a client that hasn't paid you.

Jamie (07:48)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (08:13)
You haven't completed the work. you, so by the contract, you don't actually aren't at the, they, them paying their final payment to you and you still owe them work and you still haven't got paid properly for it. And so it's just one of those things that like being nice, too nice. like, believe me, gives me a bellyache. I hate the conversations where I have to be like, listen, you have been, you know, blah, blah, blah. So,

Honestly, because I don't like it and it's not my thing when it comes to like payment for instance, I just allow my bookkeeper I say to my bookkeeper like these are the people that are overdue that need a letter like and Essentially, it's a like you're gonna get sent to collections if you don't pay your bill like I just leave myself out of it It's not my area of expertise. It's not something I enjoy doing it totally brings my vibes down. So like I hate it

Jamie (09:01)
Well, that's okay. That's

the other thing I want to talk about. Sometimes it's not a monetary cost. Sometimes it's a mental health cost. And for me, that often comes in like the form of deep, deep seated resentments. Like I had this one contract where every time I would go to do work for them, I was angry about it. Like I was like, no, you never pay me on time. You always question my invoice, even though it's a very clearly defined, you know, like

Dayle Sheehan (09:08)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Hmm.

Yes.

Jamie (09:30)
I had such deep resentment that I eventually just had to be like, what am I doing here? If I can't go to work and feel happy, and if this job is not, you know, like this contract is not bringing me joy, then I need to step away from it because I can't let this resentment like leak into the rest of my life or my business or any of it. So sometimes the cost isn't just cash. Sometimes it's feeling happy.

Dayle Sheehan (09:38)
Yeah.

Totally. Yes.

Jamie (09:56)
in your business and happy in your life. another thing to just be mindful of. But so

Dayle Sheehan (09:56)
Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah, I definitely

think nice is does not get you anywhere. Like it gets you nowhere because a business person part of their personality does have to be firm, have boundaries, be able to have hard conversations and be able to say when somebody and in a polite way, you know, it doesn't have to be an all at war when someone's like, hey, I'd like you to do part D of the ABC example.

You have to stop right in that moment and be like, we can absolutely add that. ⁓ it wasn't part of the original scope though. So I will create an amendment to the contract. I'll give you a new, you know, new contract for that piece of work, whatever it is. And truthfully, in my experience, people actually respect you more and they start respecting your time more. They, they pay on time. The more boundaries you have, the more likely you are to

Jamie (10:34)
to the country.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (10:58)
be treated like a business person that no different than anybody else that they would pay.

Jamie (11:01)
Absolutely.

Uh-huh. So if you're listening and you're like, I'm guilty of all of these things, this is my suggestion to you. Look at your contracts, whatever business you're in, make sure that your office hours are clearly defined so that the expectation isn't that you'll sit down on a Sunday at 10 a.m. and chat business with them. Make sure that your payment terms are clearly defined. If you expect payment upon delivery of the product,

Dayle Sheehan (11:10)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Jamie (11:32)
Or if you expect payment within 30 days, make sure that is so clearly defined that it is, you know, there's no arguing it. Make sure that you have timelines set in place if you are offering like a service or something, or even a good, like, you know, you're selling a good, make sure that you have like a return policy with a 30 days or a 15 days or whatever that looks like. Like make sure the timeline is very clearly outlined.

And then make sure it is very clear when you get a new client that what type of communication channels you are willing to communicate on, what is your preference? And what I mean by that is you're not allowed to text me. If this is a work thing, that's just my boundary. I don't accept text messages from clients.

Dayle Sheehan (12:13)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (12:24)
because that's the line of work that I'm in. I do everything on email. Email is the only form of communication that I do with my particular clients in one of my businesses. In other businesses, like the Ultimate Girls Trip, for instance, we have a WhatsApp group chat because that's what we've defined for that business. But that is all laid out upfront so that somebody doesn't feel like they get the right to, you know,

Dayle Sheehan (12:46)
Exactly.

Jamie (12:50)
communicate to you by calling your cell phone at midnight if that's not what you've agreed to. So, and the other thing is, is in the moment, the second a boundary is crossed, immediately course correct.

Dayle Sheehan (12:56)
for sure.

Yes, exactly. If I have like one piece of advice from a long, long history of being a really nice person, it's that stop the behavior instantly. in the in you can still be nice because that's the myth here is that you're not nice if you have a boundary and that's not true. So drop those thoughts out of your mind completely and get the

Jamie (13:22)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (13:27)
get like you were saying, get all of your paperwork in order so that there's nothing to negotiate. If you say D is not part of the original contract, D is not part of it because it's written down. You didn't agree to it on a phone call. That's not good enough. And you do need to have those kinds of professional...

and make sure everything is in writing when you are.

Jamie (13:51)
Yep. And then

the last thing that I want to say about this is that just because you're nice doesn't mean you're respected. So some of the most respected business people that I have ever worked with or alongside or worked for were actually not that nice. They were very cut and dry, black and white, very little gray area, no ambiguity. Like it was like

Dayle Sheehan (13:59)
Exactly.

firm.

Jamie (14:16)
It's yes or it's no, it's on time or it's late. It's, you know, like they were very, what some might say, like harsh or abrasive or, but I always thought that that, that was just, you just didn't mess with their boundaries. And I think that nice doesn't equal respect because nice often feels like a pushover.

Dayle Sheehan (14:20)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

For sure. I agree. And the, the, in my opinion, and like this is cause I like to have friendly relationships with people. I think it's nice to have a mixture where you can be relatable and kind and soft and happy. But also when it comes to business conversations or pushing the boundaries set up with, you.

or if a boundary hasn't been set up properly and it is pressed, you immediately correct it, it can be done in a nice way. It just still has to be done. You can't pretend it didn't happen. And that is the biggest like honestly nice person mistake when they become a business owner.

Jamie (15:19)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. Okay, well, I think that's enough on being nice. So let's wrap this up and we will see you next week. Bye everyone.

Dayle Sheehan (15:36)
Bye guys.