Dayle's Country Club Theory

Welcome back to Proof It's Possible! In this episode, Dayle and Jamie explore the decline of traditional social gatherings like dinner parties and country clubs, and how modern technology impacts genuine human connection. They emphasize the importance of creating real-life communities and relationships to foster happiness and mental well-being. They also discuss the importance of finding your community as a entrepreneur and how the Ultimate Girls Trip helps women form life-long connections. Tune in to discover: 

• The difference between our generation and our parents' generation in joining things
• How the internet creates a sense of false connection
• How business owners can recreate the country club 
• Why it's essential to find people to connect with
• How the Ultimate Girls Trip helps you create amazing connections and gives you a strong community of incredible business women

How important is finding the right community for you? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website 

Transcript

Jamie (00:31)
Hi guys, welcome back. Today, we are chatting about what Dayle is calling the Country Club Theory. And it's all about connection and why our parents' generation, why the Baby Boomers were so enthralled with the Country Club.

Dayle Sheehan (00:38)
Yes.

Yeah, so I've just been like watching businesses and friends and people and the world and like, it's no secret that we have phones on our hand, we have a computer. So we don't have this like need to see people in person to catch up on like life and what's going on and all the things. And so I think that connection to people is like a key factor just in life of being like happy.

But I also think that past generations, because we didn't have the same technology, to do everything from afar. You know, we couldn't work from home. We couldn't have a text message conversation with a friend and then let it skip the get together that we would have had 30 years ago, 40 years ago, you know? ⁓ So I was thinking about it and I'm like, what's different now other than technology? And it's that we don't join stuff.

Jamie (01:33)
ahead.

Dayle Sheehan (01:43)
Like our generation, we don't join a group as regularly as our parents' generation and our grandparents' generation. Like if they wanted social interaction or to meet potential business clients or, you know, make new friends, they had to go out in the world and join. So I called it the country club theory just because it's like they had to be part of a community. They had to actively take part.

Jamie (01:58)
Thank you.

Dayle Sheehan (02:09)
whether it was the tennis club, the golf course, a recreation center, a church, but that is where people centered the rest of their life, is they picked something to be the place that connected them socially, connected them in their work opportunities, all the things. And so what are your thoughts on this lack of like joining somewhere?

Jamie (02:20)
Mm-hmm.

actually want to take it one step further and say that like in our parents' generation, you would quite often, like when I was a kid, we always had like dinner parties. And not that our parents were fancy by any stretch, but there was, know, like they would invite their friends over for dinner, their friends and their friends' kids. There was always people having dinner at our house. And like, when was the last time somebody, like it's so rare to have dinners together, unless you like go out.

Dayle Sheehan (02:46)
Yep. No.

Jamie (03:03)
as couples or go out as two families, it's very rare just to be like, hey, I'm making spaghetti tonight, why don't you guys come over? Like that is kind of a lost ⁓ art, because we are such a disconnected society. And I think there is this like false sense of connection because of the internet. Like what you're saying is that like, well I can just text them or I can just, you I saw that they're in a way at a tournament this weekend, I saw it on her Instagram or.

Dayle Sheehan (03:05)
Yes.

Yeah, like the neighbors. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

for sure.

Jamie (03:32)
I'm not even gonna ask because I know that they're doing this because I saw it on her Facebook. Whatever the situation is, I think that we've lost that kind of intimacy of real life connection and having people over and that whether it's like formal connection, like more of like a country club setting, or it's an informal where you're like, I made spaghetti, come over kind of a thing. There isn't just like lounging around with your friends.

Dayle Sheehan (03:45)
For sure.

Yep.

For sure.

No. No.

Jamie (04:01)
in our society. Like it just

really doesn't happen. So I would say that we have to create situations to mimic that connection in real life because it just doesn't naturally exist anymore. And yes, you can join a country club or like for instance, I joined the pickleball league. But what I found is that it's not necessarily my generation of people that I'm meeting there. It's people that are

Dayle Sheehan (04:13)
Mm-hmm. For sure.

Yeah

Right.

No.

Jamie (04:29)
my parents' generation or older at these social settings. So it's like, it's probably not the perfect fit for me socially. Yeah, it's still fun to go play pickleball with them. But am I going to invite June over for coffee after? Probably not. June is 89. Her and I don't have a ton in common, you know? So how can we create, especially as business owners, because I feel like it's such a lonely, it can be such a lonely situation. You don't have coworkers, you don't go for lunches.

Dayle Sheehan (04:31)
Mm-hmm.

No. Exactly.

Yeah.

Jamie (04:54)
necessarily like being a business owner can feel very isolating. So how do we recreate the country club effect in our real life as business owners or just socially? And I think we have to find ways to do that. and for me, it's like you can join the pickleball club or what interests you, can join a golf course and but even joining a golf course nowadays is not the way that it was before. You might not even know any of the other members.

because you just invite your three friends to go play golf.

Dayle Sheehan (05:25)
Or the

golf course is on a great for a social level unless there are other young professionals that have also joined that area or else you're going to find the pickle ball. Well, you might never see them. ⁓ and yes, that like you all go to exactly.

Jamie (05:33)
Even if they all joined, you might never see them. Because they don't host events necessarily. You know, like, I don't know that

Ray knows a single other member at his golf course. Because how would he?

Dayle Sheehan (05:45)
Exactly. And the other thing,

the other thing about it is, that, how many people in your personal life are like surprised to hear that you even work? Cause they see you like picking up the kids at school and they see you being the like sports team. what's your manager managers? You have time freedom that people who work don't usually like work a nine to five don't usually have.

Jamie (05:57)
Yes, ⁓ thanks. Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (06:11)
And so the assumption is, she doesn't work at all. And it's like, once they get to know you, they're like, what? I had no idea because you literally at the places you do end up in social settings, arenas for kids sports, schoolyards for pickups, those types of things. Nobody talks about business in those situations. And so, I mean, we've both felt it in our businesses in different ways at different times. And like,

Jamie (06:23)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (06:36)
We've done stuff together where we've gotten ourselves into a room or a community where we're like, we just need other women that know what we're going through. Or we've gotten ourselves, you've gone and been like, I need to level up a hundred different ways in my other businesses and not the business with me. And so you've like sought out the right room, the right opportunity, the right training people, whatever it is to have some sort of community.

within your business. like, I always am amazed at how much resistance I have to jump into something like that, because there's always a cost that feels very stretchy. But once I do it, I'm like, can you imagine if I didn't do that? I would have been where I was a year ago. And like, yes.

Jamie (07:18)
Yeah.

And like if you look at the cost, if you look at the cost,

it's like, yeah, you could have been that much more money in the bank, but you would have been literally at the exact same spot. So it's the cost of growing. You're literally, if you take out the money aspect of it, what you're charging yourself by not doing it is that you are not changing, growing, getting better, growing your business, doing any of the things. The cost is your mental health, your peace.

Dayle Sheehan (07:35)
Yes.

Yes.

Staying where you're at that you're obviously not happy with. Yeah, your ceiling just stays exactly where it is. Or in some situations, it gets lower because you have a bad patch and then you go into your own head and you're like, well, I'll never get out of this little hole. People aren't buying anymore. You know, I better shut the business down and go back to my old job or what, you know, like you just felt out. Yeah, you're out of ideas.

Jamie (07:51)
like putting your dreams on the back burner. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Or you're fresh out of ideas. know, in

business you sometimes are like, God, I've tried everything. I don't know. I'm out of ideas. And you just, yeah. And you just need a outside perspective to kind of guide you or encourage you or fluff you up or be like, Hey, have you ever thought of this or whatever that looks like? So I do think that like community is such a lost art and we have to get back to it. And my advice would be like in your personal life,

Dayle Sheehan (08:22)
Yeah, what am I doing wrong here?

Jamie (08:42)
invite somebody over to your house for supper, not to a restaurant, to your home for supper, because it will change the dynamic of your relationship immediately. It's actually a promise. And then in business, get into a room. Like get into some kind of a group, a container, the ultimate girls trip, like whatever that looks like for you, a mastermind to get you a social circle.

Dayle Sheehan (08:49)
Yes. Or a coffee. Or, you know, just a visit. Yes. Yes, it does.

I agree.

Jamie (09:10)
like a business social circle, where you can meet friends, you can meet business owners, you can meet people that might have advice for you, have been through this, who are doing it alongside you. Sometimes you're just looking for like camaraderie, you're not even looking for advice, you're just wanting to know that somebody else is trudging through it with you, you know?

Dayle Sheehan (09:11)
for sure.

Mm-hmm.

And if you had a question, they're out there somewhere to call up. And like, that's the thing about, I mean, it's exactly why we started the ultimate girls trip was because we're like, where do we find this group that we can like keep forever? You know, we can have these girls on our group chat and be like, this my win, that's my whatever, this is what's going on in my business. We've hosted lunches since we've hosted, you know, get togethers we see or talk to all of the girls.

Jamie (09:33)
Exactly.

Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (09:57)
every single girl that has ever come on a girl's regularly because I mean, I've had some of the girls like at my birthday dinner because they're that kind of friends now. You know, like it's one of those things that they understand, we understand each other differently. And you know what you said, it changes the dynamic by having somebody to your home for like a coffee or for dinner. I a hundred percent agree it does, but like, do you want to know what changes your relationship fast? It's having a three day sleepover.

Jamie (10:18)
Okay.

Dayle Sheehan (10:25)
You know, where you like on a trip, you're by yourself, you're vulnerable. It's like these girls become sisters. They become like life long, tell each other everything, people to each other. And that to me is I think what I'm the most proud of is that they're not only just each other's business friends, we're real life friends. And they're real life friends with each other and they have independent relationships, even away from us that they value and

Jamie (10:30)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (10:53)
are different

than what they share with me or you, you know, and all the different things. Like there, there's just so many like cross connections and people that love each other now and know each other well and lean on each other as a result of it. Then I'm like, wow, all we did was get nine women in a room the first time. And then the next time we got another group of women in a room and it continues to grow. And I'm like, this is what I need more of.

Jamie (11:11)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (11:22)
And this is what I think it's so undervalued. don't know. like, and I'm often looking for like, you know, not our, not necessarily our girls trip, but somewhere that will help me or you grow. That's with people that know different things so that we can bring them back. We can bring the lesson back to our girls, you know? And like, I just feel like

Jamie (11:38)
Thank you.

Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (11:50)
Connection is something that we're missing in our society and I hope that it comes back. You know, like I hope that that kind of simple knock on your neighbor's door and be like, hey, do you have time for a coffee? Kind of life returns on every level. Or like.

Jamie (11:59)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Well, yeah, because

you know what it does? It humanizes your neighbor. It humanizes your like, you know, like the other business owner. It humanizes the other family. And you realize like, oh yeah, she is juggling a lot that mom that I see at the rink all the time. Yeah, she's got a lot on her plate. Because all of the sudden, you know that much more about them. And you have, I will say, with this is my only like,

Dayle Sheehan (12:15)
It does.

Yeah, exactly. had no idea.

Jamie (12:37)
take on the world and the politics right now, we have dehumanized people because they're just a personality on the internet. It's easy to be like, are the stupidest human I have ever met when you read their stupid posts, but the second you know them for more than just that one post, you're like, yeah, but I know that...

Dayle Sheehan (12:51)
Yeah, exactly.

Jamie (13:01)
she might have that perspective because of the lens she's looking through because I know in her childhood X, Y, and Z have like you all of sudden don't see them. Yara.

Dayle Sheehan (13:09)
Or you know her profession or you know, you know, so you understand

where she's coming from because that particular perspective supports the job she does or the way she makes money or her husband's career.

Jamie (13:21)
Or even

you can be like, still think that's a really stupid statement, but I really like her. And I'm gonna let it slide. ⁓ I'm not gonna stop being friends with her. Whereas when it's just a thing on the internet, you can be like, delete. I don't need to see that. And I highly encourage that if there's people that trigger you on the internet, you should just delete them if you don't know them in real life and you don't care about your opinion. But I also think that like,

Dayle Sheehan (13:29)
Mm-hmm. We don't agree on this. Yep.

Right.

Jamie (13:48)
Everyone is just, there's no human interaction. There's no human connection. Therefore there's less sympathy, less empathy, less love for your neighbor because you're just this figure on the internet. So we need to come back to like human connection so that we can start kind of healing the world and seeing other people's. Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (14:00)
Absolutely.

Remembering we all want the same things no matter

what side of any conversation you're on. We really do all want the same things like You know, we want to pay our bills love our families, you know Spend time with people we care about all the things and it doesn't really matter what your politics are If your values are the same Yeah, I totally agree and I also think that trap in it is that if you do just say

Jamie (14:12)
Absolutely.

Yeah, exactly.

Uh-huh.

Exactly.

Dayle Sheehan (14:34)
that person's stupid because of what they say online, you will end up without anybody. And the worst thing in this world for our mental health, our overall happiness, our life, you know, secondary, our businesses is being truly alone where you're like, everyone's an idiot. And I'm just going to stay in my house and be alone.

Jamie (14:47)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Dayle Sheehan (14:58)
It doesn't lead to good things. It leads to a lot of loneliness and loneliness leads to all the emotions that don't create your best life, that's for sure. All right, well, call a friend today, guys. That's our goal for you is to like make a real life plan. Call your girlfriend, ask to go to the mall and walk around and chat for two hours or have a coffee.

Jamie (15:08)
Absolutely.

Yeah.

And then if you're

really brave, invite her and her family over for dinner.

Dayle Sheehan (15:24)
Exactly. And it doesn't even have to be brave because honestly, everybody eats spaghetti or a hamburger, you know, like it doesn't have to be this like fancy dinner just to have people over.

Jamie (15:34)
No,

nope, I agree. Okay, until next time guys, bye.